I clearly remember a moment that happened in my life when I was about 19 or 20 years old. I was over at one of my friend?s houses and they pulled out a packet of chocolate chip biscuits. They offered me one, but I politely refused. My friend then proceeded to grab just one biscuit and put the rest of the packet back in the pantry.
It might sound weird now, but back then, I was absolutely gobsmacked! I wondered, ?How did they have that kind of self-control? How can they have just one biscuit and not even think about going back for more??
At that moment I thought to myself that maybe I was just ?addicted? to food ?that I would never have control over food and that was just who I was.
Looking back with what I know now, I understand exactly how it is that my friend took only one biscuit without overthinking it and was satisfied. I know now that I was never addicted to food ? and in all likelihood, neither are you.
Feeling out of control around food can impact you mentally. It can decrease your self-confidence and make you feel weak. You forever feel like you are a failure and are constantly letting yourself down.
However, I do have good news, it doesn?t have to be this way forever. You can, in fact, learn to be the one in control over food. You can learn to have confidence and trust in yourself and the decisions that you make.
The first step to making a change is to identify why you don?t have self-control around food. Everyone is so different, and your reason will be completely different to the next person. Once you?ve identified the ?why?, you can then identify the next steps forwards to take back complete control over food.
As I mentioned above, everyone?s journeys are so different, and it is essential that you seek professional help to get individualised advice. However, below, I?ve listed 5 reasons you might not have much self-control around food.
1. You Seek Pleasure From Food
For a lot of people, food gives them pleasure and provides them with a dopamine hit. As soon as we feel bored, stressed or sad, we look for that instant hit of dopamine to provide temporary pleasure and happiness. This can come from things like social media, but it can also come from food. The reason a lot of people turn to food is that it is convenient and accessible. It is also an easy way to try and regulate emotions. Have you ever had a specific craving for a food when you feel emotional? For example, you are feeling sad and therefore are craving chocolate to try and suppress that emotion. This is not uncommon; however, it can make you feel like you don?t have control over food because when you are in an emotional state, it can be hard to eat that food in moderation.
2. Your Habits Aren't Helping You
When you repeat a behaviour so often throughout your life, it becomes a habit. Think about brushing your teeth twice a day every day; a lot of the time it is probably automatic that you do it. A lot of habits are even subconscious and you do them without actively thinking. Overeating can also become a habit. For example, it might have become a habit that as soon as you get home from work, you head straight to the kitchen? and the next thing you know, you?ve already overeaten. Or another example could be that once you are sitting down on the couch late at night, you find that you overeat. It is possible to change these unhelpful habits to helpful ones that support your health and help you gain complete control around food.
Another subconscious habit that I find is common is being your own ?weather reporter?. This means that you almost ?predict? what is going to happen. However, by ?predicting? what is going to happen, it means you are stressed about it, and it is on your mind, therefore, it is very likely that it will in fact happen.
For example, you have a friend?s birthday event coming up and tell yourself that you are probably going to overeat because you have no self-control. You go into the event believing that this is likely to happen. You have no trust in yourself and no self-confidence, and therefore, you end up self-sabotaging without even realising it. You have just ?weather reported? yourself. This is a habit that is very important to change if you want to stop binge eating and heal your relationship with food.
3. It's Generational & Learned Behaviour
This is an interesting reason for not having control over food and it is one that can be easily overlooked. You may have grown up in a world where ?diet culture' was normalised. Your parents, grandparents, uncles, aunties, friends and favourite influencers were always dieting and trying to change their bodies. You may have grown up around adults who always commented on what you or others looked like or were eating. This can have a large impact on your relationship with food and the control you allow food to have over you.
For example, if you grew up in a house where you were always told that you had to finish what was on your plate, even if you were full, the behaviour of always eating everything in front of you becomes deeply ingrained in your life. Still to this day, you may feel like you need to finish everything that is on your plate. This puts you out of touch with your hunger and fullness cues, and therefore, makes it incredibly easy to overeat.
This is not to blame anyone in particular, but it is important to look back and see if any behaviours you have are generational or ?learned? from those around you. This allows you to identify areas that you can work through and overcome.
4. You're Undereating (... Without Knowing It)
I find this to be one of the most common reasons why someone might not have control over food. You may even be undereating subconsciously. For example, you may be really busy during the day, and therefore, forget to eat a meal, this can lead to the hunger catching up on you later in the day or night-time, which can lead to overeating and feeling out of control around food.
For others, you may feel like you are eating so much food, however, every food option you choose is low calorie, low fat, low sugar. So, whilst, you might be eating a large volume of food, you may not be getting enough energy (aka calories) for your individual needs and requirements. Thus, your body is craving certain things which lead to binge eating episodes.
It is important to ensure that you are eating regularly throughout the day and eating an adequate amount of food for your individual needs and requirements.
5. You're Restricting Yourself
Yes, restricting could mean restricting the amount of food (aka undereating). However, restricting can also mean not allowing yourself to eat certain foods or food groups e.g., carbs or chocolate. Humans are not very good at processing negatives. So, if you told a young child not to go and push the big red button, it?s likely that their curiosity would get the best of them and they would push it just to see what would happen. The same thing happens when you tell yourself that you can?t have a particular food. It has a ?forbidden fruit? effect; it feels so naughty and rebellious that when you do have some, it is incredibly easy to overeat and feel out of control around.
When it comes to restricting, I like to use the example of buying a new piece of clothing. Imagine you just purchased a new skirt. At first, you are absolutely in love with it and you want to wear it every day until the novelty starts to wear off and it becomes as important as all your other pieces of clothing. It is the same with food. When you have restricted a specific food for a long period of time and you allow yourself to eat it, there can be a lot of excitement around that food, and it is very easy to overeat and feel out of control around.
When you tell yourself that this specific moment is the only time you are allowed to eat this food, the ?last supper? effect can happen. For example, if it is your birthday and you tell yourself that you are allowed to eat cake today, but from tomorrow onwards you aren?t allowed to anymore. You trigger your brain to think that you must eat as much as you possibly can right now, because, after today you aren?t ever allowed it again (aka the last supper effect). This leads to overeating, binge eating and feeling out of control around food.
This Is What You Have To Do Next
I want you to know that all these reasons are valid. I understand where you are coming from, and you are not alone. However, I want you to also know that it is possible to be the one in control over food ? to live a life where there is no restriction and where you can enjoy all foods in moderation, without putting on weight or sacrificing your health.
If you struggle with controlling yourself around food and want some help overcoming it, then I?d highly recommend checking out the Undiet Program.